You can make the time together count by establishing traditions, simplifying meal time, and reading together. If you need more time together you can ask for a more flexible schedule, find a new job, or become self employed.
This year has been difficult for connection. This is even harder for families with a single parent, deployed parent or a difficult living situation. In my house, as in many others we have rediscovered the power and importance of family. We are putting all our energy towards figuring out how to spend more time together and make it count.
The Solution
Making the Most of time Off
Sometimes the only option is to work those long hours and see you family in the gaps. If this is where you find yourself I have a few ideas for you to maximize that time together:
- Family Traditions – Establish some family traditions that really bring everyone together. This could be as simple as Waffle Wednesday, a special handshake, or a birthday banner that gets put up for each person’s birthday. These things give your family a common language and common memories that really foster connection. Plus knowing that you are doing the same thing for every birthday takes A LOT of stress off that decision. Doing small things will make short time together deeply important.
- Making Meals Easy – Having a rotating meal plan that stays mostly the same every week will simplify mealtime. In my house we have started doing frozen pizza every Saturday for lunch because we were missing lots of time together trying to please everybody or cooking something elaborate. You can even simplify meals while traveling with a Hot Logic.
- Making Meals Fun – There are lots of games available to get conversation going around the table. I found an incredible idea in this book! (I HIGHLY recommend you give that book a look, the recipes are incredible and inspiring). The author describes decorating one place at the table to celebrate one family member at dinner. I think getting a special placemat that would be put in place for the celebrated member would be a special family tradition that would create happy memories without much extra time or money required.
- Make Meals Meaningful – This is near and dear to my heart, I wrote a bunch of ideas here.
- Bedtime – Even after a long day, bedtime is a great time to really connect. Everyone has a place to be and there is no rush to go anywhere. Selecting some great books and keeping them in the largest bedroom makes it easy to read together most nights. These characters and stories will be talked about for years together.
- Travel Time – Create a playlist that everyone loves in the car! Music is such a great tool for connection. Grab a few family friendly songs that you love from your youth and get the kids singing along. This is also a great way to shift sour moods (even if it’s yours). You can find my favorite playlists here and here.
- 3 Day weekends – Start the year with a good list of 3 Day weekends, put them on the calendar and start getting excited about them! I have an Adventure Planner you can grab with a great planner to get your family adventuring as soon as tomorrow! This planner can show you how to budget for all those weekends.
Maybe you are already doing these things, but you still feel like you are not able to spend enough time with your family. Maybe it is time to consider more drastic measures.
Ask for a new schedule
Can you work 4 12 hour days?
Every other Friday off?
Telework one week a month?
One way we changed up our schedule was to negotiate a creative schedule at work. Our bosses are people too, they are not inflexible machines.
My husband is a truck driver with an incredibly demanding schedule and no option to work from home (how would that work?). Most industries have a “Peak Season” and for trucking that’s November to January. Hey Thanksgiving, BYE, Christmas, See YA, New Years, sleeping.
This is so hard on the kids. I understand that many jobs require that and that it might just be unavoidable, but we needed to see if there was anything we could do to improve the situation.
Find a new Job
I know this sounds harsh and extreme, but I want you to consider seriously if this is an option for you. I recommend that you save some money and start looking for a new job. This is pretty risk free, if you decide to stay with your current job, you will have a bit of cash stowed away.
For many this is not the best option, but if you cannot stand the schedule and your family needs you home more, jump on LinkedIn, Craigslist, Glassdoor, or whatever. You do not have to stay in any job. Side hustle culture can give you some ideas to fill in any income gaps.
We did not have the option to quit and find a job with a better schedule, it was better to stay at the job and ask for a new schedule. We asked for the slowest day of the week off, with an understanding that this was flexible based on needs of the company. So for us, that looked like instead of 6 day weeks all through the Holiday Season, it was only 5.
Think about how you could still be incredibly valuable to the company, but also be available to your family. The options are really endless if you start thinking outside the M-F.
Start Your Own Business
This is a long tail plan, but will offer the most flexibility. Do your research and talk to some people who own businesses similar to one you would like to start, so you have a full understanding of what is involved. Give yourself at least 3 months of researching and beginning before you quit your job or dump a whole lot of money into a new business idea. Talk to your spouse about if this could work for your family, talk to someone in the industry and see what they have to say. This topic is far too broad for this post, but if you would like to see my story of starting my own business, it is unfolding here.
“With every word we utter, with every action we take, we know our kids are watching us. We as parents are their most important role models.”
Michelle Obama
There is nothing that impacts kids like their family. If you find yourself longing to be with your family for more time and making it count, go for it. The benefits will last a lifetime.
