- Create a Rhythm
As a mom, the decision fatigue, it’ll get you. I think the key is to make a rhythm. Taco Tuesday, Waffle Wednesday, Soup on Saturday. These things make meal planning so much easier and make it easier to get the troops assembled at dinner time.
- Create a Routine
Decide on something that will signal dinner time. This one might feel cheesy the first few times, but its powerful. I think the easiest thing to do would be to put on music. This can signal to the whole family that it is meal time, without you having to say a word. You could also do a dinner bell, like this one, a time honored tradition.
- Include Everyone
Sometimes you gotta make that frozen pizza that your son has been begging for, or have breakfast for dinner, just for fun. Make sure that everyone gets to pick the menu occasionally. Young kids love to feel like their voices are heard and they ill be more likely to enjoy a meal they suggested! (Although, all bets are off with 2 year olds, you can never predict what they might do!)
- Celebrate Someone
What about using a special plate, or a placemat to make dinner special for one member of the family. Did someone just learn a new skill, lose a tooth, get a promotion, meet a deadline? Make their spot at dinner special.
- Make Some Literary Friends
Reading or listening to a book together at mealtime is a great way to squeeze some extra value to mealtime. This can help get everyone talking about the same things and make some sweet memories. You can choose stories that are appropriate for the season or a character quality you want to promote in your family.
- Add Some Music
Ah, dinner music! You could have some music that you use every night or let someone new choose. Music is so important and this is a great way to build a family culture. The songs you play at mealtimes will become songs that represent family.
- Invite Friends
Make it a point to eat with other people occasionally! Meals are sweeter when shared with friends. This is a great opportunity to get to know the kid’s friends or to help everyone practice those good table manners.
- Prioritize Communication
Make it a priority to talk during this time. This means if you are listening to or watching something as part of your mealtime culture, make sure to talk about it too. Make sure everyone gets heard at meal time. I like to play, “Highs and Lows” with my family at dinner and have each person share the high and low points in their day. I am often surprised what my toddlers will say!
- Ask Questions
A great way to be a good listener is to ask lots of questions. This is a great strategy at the table. I will never forget one night when my husband and I were having a date night at home and we were running through the questions that are supposed to make you fall in love. If you have not heard of this you can read more here. One question asks about your perfect day. The answers were so beautiful and really helped us learn more about each other.
There are plenty of pre written questions you could keep on the table, like these and plenty of great lists like this one of 250 questions from The Dad Dude. Keep an old jelly jar stuffed with these questions and you should be set!
- It Doesn’t Have to Be Dinner
My husband is a truck driver and his schedule is anything but predictable. We find our family meal happens any time between 1 and 5, and sometimes it doesn’t happen if he gets home early and must go right to sleep. So I wouldn’t call our family meal dinner. Last night everyone sat at the table and had a snack together before bed.
Any time you spend around the table together counts. Be creative, when could it work in your house?
- Make Meal Prep Easy
We are currently in survival mode after a newborn, unexpected surgery and quarantine. Im buying 2 or 3 frozen pizzas a week. No shame, a meal is better than no meal.
Usually I keep a rotating meal plan that streamlines meal planning and helps me get dinner on the table with very minimal thought. Right now, even that was too hard.
If you want to start eating together more, I suggest you make the habit more important than the food for a few days or even weeks.
- Let Someone Else Cook
You could do take out or a meal delivery service, but you could also delegate a few meals to an older child or your spouse. I know it is not my first thought, but you never know they might really enjoy the chance to be creative in the kitchen!
Cooking is a life skill and those older kids need all the practice they can get. You could plan the meals for them to cook or it could be totally their project. If you have them make the list and keep to a certain budget, then you just turned it into math practice too. Look at you, you are a super mom.
- Add Creative Names
We grew up eating “Something French” which is a combination of rice or potatoes with ground meat and peas. The story goes that when my grandparents were cooking dinner and a kid asked what was for dinner they would respond, “something French.” Now that is what we call it!
Could you name a family meal? One Christmas eve I had forgotten to plan a beautiful breakfast so I made toast and sprinkled powdered sugar on top and called it “Snow Toast,” and now we eat it every year.
What is a meal you eat often? Come up with a creative name and you have just made it a great inside joke for your family.
- Celebrate Family Heritage
If you are not already connected to your family heritage, food is the best way! Make a few meals or order some snacks from your family’s history. My family is Portuguese, so it’s salt cod and lupini beans for us!
- Tablecloth
There is nothing that makes a meal special quite like a tablecloth. Do not save them for Thanksgiving, pull it out for a birthday or a Tuesday.
Even if you do not have a tablecloth, you could get a sheet or piece of fabric and decorate it as a family with markers or patches. What a great heirloom! Try reading The Keeping Quilt for some inspiration. I bet they have it at the library.
- Dress Code
If you have ever been on a cruise, then you know that there is a dress code for dinner. There are usually a few fancy dress days where you will not be allowed in the dining room in shorts and a T shirt. I think this can be a fun way to make mealtime very special a few times a year.
Tell everyone that dinner will be formal and eat frozen pizza in your Sunday best!
- Kooky Centerpiece
You can put anything on the table. I promise, the weirder the better. I know many families keep a bowl in the center of the table, you could put anything in there. What about Legos and have a family build off or Lego Pictionary. You could put a favorite toy or a newspaper with an exciting headline. This will get everyone interested and talking.
- Learn Together
What about reading some non fiction together, or skype with a professional over dinner. I think the best way to do this as a family is to find a problem to solve together. Maybe buy everyone a Rubix cube or chess set and make it the family project to learn together.
- Watch Something Together, Then Talk
Ok, ok, ok. We are all watching The Mandolorian together in my family and it is totally part of our family culture and gives us lots of common language.
A show is not a bad way to connect! Make plenty of time after to speculate, ask questions or just talk about why you love it so much. Get merch, go to live performances. This is a great use of mealtime in my opinion.
- Focus on the Positive
If you have family members who do not like family mealtime, tell them how much you appreciate them participating. Instead of saying something like, “Glad you finally decided to join us.” You could say, “I am glad you are here.” Focus on the present, this will make the experience more positive for everyone.
- Be Together
No matter what you choose to do, the most important thing is to just be together. Give the meal time your full attention and do you best to be present, not distracted or hurried. You can sit down for five minutes and really look at everyone and be there. I know it sounds so simple it might even be insulting, but it took me years. I was always so worried about getting everything for everyone I was not usually ready to eat until everyone else was done and had moved on. It broke my heart. Now, I sit down, even if my food isnt ready, I just stop and BE WITH everyone. Not a perfect solution, and not like the tv shows and movies, but progress, and I’m happy with it.
I hope this list can help you find more ways to BE TOGETHER. My main goal here at MomVanUp is to help families enjoy each other. I know that I often do not feel like a ‘fun mom,’ but each of these things do not require much effort, but pay big returns.
So, mom, what’s for dinner?
